there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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