saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
