i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
