I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just had sex on a roof
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
