So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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