No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
