So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
