she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
