Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
