It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
