This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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