Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
