Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
