Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
