i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
