Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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