forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
