I bet he comes in French.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How external is "for external use only"?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
