In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
