Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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