Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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