did i walk over a car last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
