Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
