it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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