isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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