She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
