4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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