i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
