You work out of a Hotel?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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