i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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