how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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