yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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