I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
