I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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