I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
