if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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