i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
