too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
