ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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