It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
