Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize