Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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