4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
