we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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