I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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