Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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