I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
