Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
