Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
