Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
