he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
