too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
