His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
