I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize