I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
