I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize