quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Everclear isn't food dammit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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