Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
