I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize