i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Randomize
