epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
