Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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