Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
