put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
