Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
