Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
