Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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