we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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