my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
